Friday, July 17, 2009

July 17, 2009 Letter

My dear sweet forever child,

I get to finally meet you tomorrow. I broke down and cried yesterday when Miss Pat, our adoption worker called me to tell me that you were ours. You are finally coming home to me. No one can tell me much about you, no one knows your favorite food or color or toy, and that makes me sad. I can't wait to find out all of your favorites. Miss Kelli is bringing you home to us tomorrow, and I can't thank her enough for picking us for you.

You are going to be the greatest blessing in my life. I'm going to give you all the love and support and stability you ever need. And no one will ever hurt you again. I won't allow it. Everyone already loves you, and they are all buying you toys and clothes right now, even though we don't know much at all.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms tomorrow and tell you how much I already love you. I hope you aren't too scared. I know it is a long way home, baby, but know that we will be there waiting for you, full of wonder and love and thankfulness that you are finally coming home.

All my love, sweetheart. Travel safely to me tomorrow.

Friday, June 19, 2009

June 18, 2009 Letter

My Dearest Forever Child,

I'm sorry it has been so long between letters. To much time has been allowed to pass.

My birthday has come and gone. Parts were good, parts weren't so good. Work called your dad away, but your uncle Billy took me to see a movie. the movie was horrible, but we had a lot of fun. My dad cooked me one of my favorite meals and I got the things I asked for.

the highlight of the day had to be getting our license to adopt from the state. It was one more step on our journey to bring you home.

On my desk at work, there is an angel holding a boy and another figurine that is a mother holding her son. One is from your dad, given to me because I already love you so much and the other if from my mom - a gift for a soon-to-be mom. My heart swells with joy every time I look at them, and I make it a point to start everyday with a prayer for you, my love. I pray that where ever you are right now that you are getting all the love and care you need.

My greatest fear now is that you aren't getting everything you need. I have to trust that the people whose hearts were big enough to open their home to you are the best kind of people there are.

I have to tell you that I want you to come home to us so bad that sometimes I ache with it. Not a second goes by that I don't think about your sweet face and wonder what your laugh will sound like filling up our quiet home.

Your uncle Kelly and Aunt Brooke were blessed on June 1rs with beautiful baby Kaden, and everyone wants you to meet your new cousin. He was a sick little guy for a few days, but like everyone in your family he's a fighter and seems to be perfect now. Your dad and I got to spend a wonderful day with them and every time I held Kaden I hoped someone was there to hug you close and let you know how important you are to all of us.

A few short days after Kaden came into the world, your dad left for a week to go to Washington, D.C. I think he had fun, but I missed him horribly. The house was so empty and quiet. The poor dogs got more hugs and pets than I think they've ever gotten.

He's home safe and sound now, but I still feel lonely sometimes. I want to read to you and tuck you in at night. I want to take you shopping for toys and stuff to fill your room - it's so empty without you.

I want to hear you tell me how much fun you had at summer camp, and as much as it scares me, I can't wait until you tell me you want to play football. Maybe you will want to take karate, and then we'll call your uncle Matt and have him help us find a good dojo for you. He has a few black belts and is in the Combat Karate Hall of Fame, so he would know what to look for.

He's a great guy, your uncle Matt. I'm so very proud to call him brother. Sometimes he's stubborn, but we all are, and sometimes he says things I don't think he means, but he's still young, and I remember how it felt to think you know more than everyone else. Most everyone goes through that stage and almost everyone grows out of it. He has accomplished so much in his life. He was a shy little boy with glasses that had an infectious laugh. He and I had a hard time growing up, but we got through it and I think it made us both stronger.

Sometime in grade school or maybe junior high, Matt discovered his passion for karate. it made him a strong, confident young man. He made good grades throughout school and got into Texas Tech. Four years later, some good, some bad, he graduated and now he's a Cardiac Intensive Care nurse. My shy quiet little brother is now an adventurous, fun loving man. He rides a motorcycle, spars with other 'ninjas', rock climbs, goes to Irish pubs and is brave enough to wear a kilt in front of my dad. I remember when he was four or five I taught him every word to a popular song, including the bad words and had him go sing it to our mom. I was dumb enought to believe he'd get in trouble for saying bad words. I really didn't think it through, though, and I got in trouble for teaching him the words. he's gotten me back many times over the years tholugh. The first and most memorable time was when he hid in the laundry hamper in the bathroom. I don't know how long he stayed there waiting, but I was his victim. I went in to use the bathroom, and just as I undid my pants he jumped up in the hamper and yelled boo. I screamed and ran aroudn the house with my pants falling down around my ankles. My mom and dad still laugh about it.

As much as Matt and I sometimes disagree, I love him and I thinks he's well on his way to being an amazing young man.

Your uncle Billy on the other hand, is a booger. Always has been, always will be. i'm a lot older than he is - twelve years, actually. He's always been the most outgoing of the three of us. When he was little he always had on some sort of costume. Whether he was dancing around with a beaded bandana tied around his waist or in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfit our mom made, he was always wearing something funky.

I had a best friend in high school named Cathy, and she and I were inseperable for years. Billy decided one day that Cathy was his wife, and to this day, when I say her name, he still asked me how his wife it. The year he started his very first first day of school, I started my last year of high school. I was a teacher's adie for his class, so I took him to school and got to help teach him some of the first things he learned.

When he was little, he used to wake up and get scared in the middle of the night, so he started crawling into my bed. Well, I was a teenager, and like most teenagers, my room was a disaster area. Clean and dirty laundry covered my floor. I used to say the clothes were protecting my floor from the vacuum cleaner. Well, one night, B crawled into my bed and evidently rolled out of the bed and into a pile of laundry. Neither he or I woke up, but he covered himself up with clothes and slept on peacefully.

I think things would have been fine, but our mom woke up and decided to check up on everyone. When she couldn't find Billy, she was understandibly upset. He wasn't in any bed or anywhere else she could find. She came to check my room one last time before I'm sure she would have called the police, and he must have made some noise. She zeroed in on that small sound and dug him out of the mountain of clothes. We both slept on, not realizing anything was wrong. Until morning anyway. I was grounded for a month and learned to always pick up my clothes.

there was also a time when he was probably three or four that he cracked up an entire church full of people. he'd fallen alseep during the sermon and while everyone was kneeling and the priest was praying he woke up. there was silence in the church for a moment until he jumped on my back, spurred like a pro rodeo bronc rider and yelled 'Giddyup horsey.' It took a while before the laughter died down and the priest could finish the service.

Now my baby brother is too grown up for my peace of mind. He towers over Matt and I at six feet tall. He is going to Texas Tech now, and is brilliant. After one sememster he was already a supplemental instruction leader for his physics class. Translated, that means he taught the class while his professor did other stuff. he spent a week at NASA one summer and writes incredibly well.

I'm so very proud of my two awesome brothers. They bring a lot of joy into our lives, and if I ever need anything, I call them first.

It has been hard for me at work lately. Things are tense and very busy, so that makes everyone grumpy. It's hard, but until we are rich and famous, your dad and I have to work.

I wish you were here with us. Our lives would be so much more full with you in it. I want you to know that we love you no matter what, and we will keep fighting to bring you home. For now, I pray that you get a big hug and feel our love. Please know that you'll come home to us soon and we can't wait. Your room sits empty, waiting for you to fill it with life and joy and toys. And our hearts are already full to bursting with love for you.

I wish you sweet dreams, my love. May angels watch over you and keep you safe until we can. Don't give up on us.

All my love, my forever child,

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

April 29, 2009 Letter

To My Forever Child.!!!!!!!

Well, a day your mom and I have been waiting for is here. The Final Visit!! And let me just say, it couldn’t get here fast enough. We have been working so very hard at getting the house ready for the inspection and your arrival. Your room is almost ready. It just needs a few things…the other bed put together, toys, but most of all, someone to fill it. And that is YOU!! Soon, very soon, we will all be together. We want you in our lives so very much.

Last night your mom and I went and heard an amazing author and poet speak – Maya Angelou. Oh my gosh!! She has a wonderful way with words and can put the most complicated of topics easy to understand. One thing she talked about was “being a rainbow in someone’s clouds”. I have to tell you , you are a rainbow in my clouds!! Even though you are not here yet, you have made me a better person. I am so very happy that you will be a part of this family. I really believe our families will have the brightest, most colorful of all.

Guess what, it’s done. We had that final home inspection tonight. Two hours of questions about us and about how much we want you here. I could have gone on for many more hours about how important you are to us. Your mom and I feel pretty good about the visit. They tell us it will be a week or so until we get the results and can begin our search for you. I only wish I had the words to express how excited we are about having you in our lives. You should have seen how your mom lit up when we talked about having you in our family. She loves you with everything she has. And so do I…

Love You Always!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

April 17, 2009 Letter

Good morning my forever child,

I have another friend who wants to say hello. Her name is Sarah, and she and her husband Nathan are amazing people that can't wait to meet you.

Remember I need you and love you.
xoxo Mommy

Dear Sweet Child,

By the time you read this letter I hope to have already met you and been involved in your life, but if that is not the case let me introduce myself, my name is Sarah and I have known your parents for many years. We met through a mutual friend in college. When your Mom and Dad told me that they were adopting you my heart soared at the thought of their long held desire to have a family becoming a reality. I have stood in awe at the love and sacrifices your Mom and Dad have gone through to bring you into their home. Rest assured they loved you long before the day they met you! After much consideration about what I could do to help your parents, I decided to write you this letter and tell you a little about your parents from an "outsiders" view.

I want to start by telling you that I am biased when it comes to your folks. I have always admired their attitude towards life and the way they live it to the fullest. They never avoid their responsibilities but they know when to look on the lighter side of life. That being said let me begin.

When I was young I had a poster on my bedroom wall that read "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. - Galatians 5:22-23" I was also taught the following verse "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8". As I have grown to know your parents over the years I see these virtues in them. They are always there for their friends and family in times of need. They continually provide words of encouragement, praise and support to those around them. And they support each other with an unfailing love.

Your Mom and Dad will do everything in their power to provide for your every need and want. They will be there to wipe your tears away when you fall and scrape your knee or when your first boyfriend or girlfriend breaks your heart. They will help you celebrate your first steps, your first day of school, and every glorious moment thereafter. They will standby you, stand up for you, and yet let you fly on your own to see what you can achieve. Never doubt the depth of love and need your parents have for you. They will make mistakes like all parents do but know that everything they do comes from the depths of their hearts. If you ever start to doubt your belonging just take a look back and you will see that you have always been a part of their lives even before you came to live with them.

I know when you are young you think your parents are ridiculously overbearing and very uncool, but take it from me they know more than you give them credit for. Listen closely to them and learn all you can and you will be an amazing person!

Love Always,
Sarah Dawes

Thursday, April 9, 2009

April 9, 2009 Letter

To My Forever Child

Your mom has been after me to write you a letter for a while now. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, I’m just not as gifted at writing like your mom is. But I promise, this won’t be the first and last letter you get from me. I promise to always tell you how I feel.

I have so much to say so let’s get started. First of all, I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am that you are going to be a part of our forever family. I have often wondered if I would be a good dad. My dad was awesome to me and I only hope I can at least be half as good as he was and is to me. Everyone tells me that I will be a great dad. The promise I’m going to make to you right now is that I will always do my best to do what is right and make the decisions that I feel will be best for you. Yes, I will mess things up from time to time and you may not always agree with the decisions your mom or I make. But everything I do, I am doing to make your life the best it can be. I won’t always have the answers or the skills to do some things, but we will get through it together! Baseball and hotdogs. Hockey and nachos. Tea with Ted E. Bear. Hopscotch and lemonade. No matter what it is, we are going to have fun together and enjoy many fantastic adventures. And we will do all of these and many more together! I will support you in all that you wish to accomplish. I will be there for you on your greatest achievements. I will be there for the downfalls and the broken hearts. The most important thing I want you to take from this is I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU! And so will mom.

When we found out that your mom could not have kids naturally, it broke my heart. From the time we met and started dating, we talked about what kind of parents we would be. I want you to know that even though mom is “broken” (her words, not mine), she is the love of my life and my very best friend in the world. To me, she is not “broken”. She is a very special lady and will be one fantastic mom. I can’t wait to come home and see her reading to you or working on a color page or even homework. I can’t wait to see her doctoring a boo boo you got because you were a little too big for your britches on the swing. But most of all, I can’t wait to see all of us together. Your mom has a lot of love and knowledge to give too. And believe me, the two of us will make sure you know just how much we love you. You truly have a great mom. In short, your mom ROCKS!!!

Some have brought up the question of the possibility of differences between background or ethnicity. The fact is your mom and I could care less. Black, white, red, yellow…IT DOESN’T MATTER TO US! We have chosen you to be a part of our family. We have chosen you to give all our love to. We have chosen you to complete our family. We will work very hard to bridge gaps and learn about cultures and backgrounds so that you know where you come from and we can respect you in that way. You are very special to us and we only want the best. We will do anything for you. God has led us to you. He has had this planned long before any of us were born. Now we are here to take this journey make this forever family the best it can be.

The time is getting closer and you will be with us. Tomorrow we have two inspections…one from the Fire Department – so you have a safe home to live in – and one from the Health Inspector – to make sure you stay as healthy as possible. After that, we have one more big visit from the state and then we work on getting you here. Each day that passes brings more joy and excitement that I cannot express in words. I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell I was scared to death too. But what parent isn’t the first time they have kids. We are ready for you. We Love You!! We will do everything in our power to make you safe, comfortable, warm, but most of all, you will be wanted and loved!! I guess there is only one other thing to say on this letter…


(Thanks Ty P. for such an awesome phrase!)

With all the love in the world to you,


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

April 8, 2009 letter

Hello, sweet baby,

It has been a while since I was able to write to you, but things have been incredibly busy, getting ready for you. It is almost Easter, now. Tomorrow, we have two inspections, health and fire, to make sure our home is safe for you. Last night we had a short class, then all of the wonderful people in our group decided to go out to dinner and share some relaxed time together. Dad and I had so much fun.

I ran into a high school friend while we were there, and it turns out he only lives a few blocks from us, works with my dad, and knows another couple that is in our class. It was very strange, but wonderful seeing him again. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all the people who were such good friends of mine in high school. It feels like it was forever ago when we all gathered together after graduation, some of us crying, some laughing and some in seeming shock. Knowing that it was an end and a beginning. We had to leave behind the comfort and security of our parent’s homes and make our own way in the world. But we all knew, deep down that our parents would welcome us back with open arms, any time we needed it.

You coming into our lives is another scary end and beginning. I say scary, but in truth it is exciting, terrifying, exhilarating, and heart stopping all at the same time. I worry that we won’t be good enough for you, and that you won’t want us. We want you so badly that it hurts.

There have already been questions. What if you aren’t like us? What will we do? I’m stronger than the people with these doubts and the ugliness they try to bring into our lives. Your dad and I don’t care if you are green, or purple, or magenta or blue, okay, I do care if you are blue, because that means you aren’t breathing and blue is never a good color for a person to be.

My heart is wide open and ready for you, love. I can’t wait to meet you. Miss Amy and Miss Hattie are two of the greatest blessings that have come into our lives lately. I know that whatever questions I have, or concerns, or fears, they can help. They are truly amazing women and I am proud to know them. I hope that someday I can introduce you to them. I’m sure they’d love to meet you.

Come home to me soon, sweetheart. I need you in my life. I love you.


Monday, March 30, 2009

March 30, 2009 letter

To my forever child;

Things are very busy right now, love. Spring break has come and gone, and with it an interesting trip to El Paso. Birthdays, weddings and deaths have all visited our lives this month, on top of class, work, and family and friends. Where does all the time go? I've been very bad lately about watching television when I should be reading, writing or cleaning. My only excuse it that television gives me an escape from all the tension building up right now. I'm still scared and excited and can't wait for you to get here. Today's letter is from one of my very best friends in the world. Her name is Karin, and she's helped me through a lot of rough stuff, and she is one of the smartest, nicest, most caring people in the world. And to top it off, she's a great mommy, has a sense of humor that I really appreciate, loves to do the same things I love to do, and has a heart of solid gold. So, without further ado, love, here is her letter to you. Enjoy it and cherish it as much as I do.

Don't forget how much I love and need you,
xoxo mommy

To you, whom I have not yet met:

Ok, so I’m supposed to write you this letter and I have no idea what to say.

So you want me to tell you how strong your new parents will be? Or how much they love you already, without having seen your face or been touched by the blessing of your smile? Maybe I could tell you how hard they fought for you, in the face of adversity and constant assurance that this might be a mistake, or too hard, or impossible. (psst. They don’t care. They love you anyway.)

No. I don’t think I’ll tell you those things. Saying-no matter who might say otherwise-is simply inadequate. You’ll experience all of that on your own. And experience is a much greater teacher than I’ll ever be.

But I might be able to give a glimpse of your new life with your forever family.

You’ll find adventure in distant lands and history and the freedom to be a child.

You’ll find cartoons and pirate ships, swordfights and hockey.

You’ll find monsters under your bed, and armed with a spray bottle, the courage to defeat them .

You’ll find laughter and love-and two people who’d die for you if given the chance-and still have enough love to spare.

On this journey, you might find heartache, and challenge, things that you don’t understand. (But don’t worry, all stories worth telling do.) It’s how you handle these things that makes you who you are,

And Crystal and Rusty will be there to make sure you don’t have to face them alone. They’ll support you and help you to become anything-anyone you want to be…

The Sky’s the limit, and Oh! The places you will go….


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

March 3, 2009 Letter

To my forever child;

Today I have a special treat for you. A letter from my baby brother. Billy turns 19 this month, so he isn't really a baby, but no matter how old he gets, he will always be my baby brother. Here is his letter to you love.

Don't ever forget how much I love and need you, sweetheart.

Billy at his Senior Prom, 2008.

To My Nephew:

If I have learned anything in my life worth something it is that a family is the greatest bond there is, and I'm glad to call you a part of mine. I know deep down that your parents will bend over backwards and do anything for you, but what you might not know is that I will too.

I will always be there if you need me, and probably sometimes when you don't, but what I want you to understand is that I will always be here for you, just liek your mother and father are for me.

I am going to make you a promise right here and now, no matter what time, or where I am if you ever need me I will always make time for you; if you need some advice, someone to vent at, or you just need a familiar voice to talk to I am only a phone call or a car ride away.

Whatever I can do to help you I will. If it is something miniscule I'll be there. It it is school work, I'll be there. if you just need something fixed I'll be there. NO MATTER what it is I will always be there, because that is what family does.

I just though you should know,


Thursday, February 26, 2009

February 26, 2009 Letter

To my forever child,

I thought about you a lot last night. I was tired and cranky. I didn’t feel good, and my critique hadn’t gone well. The last part was my own fault. I didn’t stay true to myself and my story. I changed everything so that it wouldn’t offend anyone. It made me miserable, but I thought it would make everyone else happy. It didn’t. I hated it, they hated it, and in the end I was ready to give up. I was so sad, love. I needed a hug.

I don’t like that I am such a people pleaser. There are many times a day when I have to sit down and remind myself that if I’m not happy, then I can’t make anyone else happy.

Sweet baby, always remember that. If I can’t teach you anything else, remember that you can’t make someone happy if you aren’t happy yourself.

I’m not telling you to disregard other people’s feelings or needs, but don’t put everyone ahead of yourself all the time. Life is too short for that.

So, I came home with a really bad headache, a bad attitude and tears trying to fill my eyes. I really needed a hug, but the attitude got in the way, and I was a little mean to your dad. I didn’t mean to be, but everything had piled up and nothing was going right. I feel horrible about that. So, today’s letter is just as much for him as it is for you.

I didn’t say anything bad or do anything bad, I just wasn’t nice. I’m sorry I did that. I’ll try very hard never to do it again. I want you both to know how very much I love you. I need you in my life so much. Without the both of you I’d be a lost, lonely soul.

I know this is a short letter, love, but today is a very busy day. I’ll write again soon, though.

Always remember that you are deep in my heart, where all my love grows.

All my love forever and ever,
Xoxo Mom

Monday, February 23, 2009

February 23, 2009 Letter

To My Forever Child;

Classes start tonight and I’m nervous. I want to be the best mom I can be, but then I have moments where I worry that I won’t be good enough for you. I hope I can make all your dreams come true and give you the best home possible, like my parents did for me.

There has never been a time when I couldn’t talk to my parents – let them know how I felt. There were a lot of times when I refused to talk to them (I had a tiny little attitude when I was a teenager… imagine that.)

My mom and dad worked very hard to raise me right, and looking back, they did an amazing job. They never really had to punish me, okay they did sometimes, but not a whole lot. I wanted to make them proud more than anything in the world, and the worst punishment was when I knew I had disappointed them.

When I got in trouble growing up, mom used to put me in purgatory. I was grounded in the traditional sense – no friends over, no phone, no tv, no fun – plus, as an added bonus, I had a list of chores that I had to complete before being released from purgatory.

It wasn’t the normal chores like doing the dishes, or taking out the trash, no, my mom was much sneakier than that. I’d have to scrub the grout in the bathrooms with a toothbrush, polish the silver, dust all of the stuff on the shelves, take down all the globes off the lights and clean them, polish the glasses. Really horrible boring stuff. Now that I’m grown and have a house of my own to deal with, I realize she was getting a two for one deal. Not only did I get punished, but she got all of the housework done that there is never enough time to do.

I would whine, and gripe the whole time, but I knew I wouldn’t be out of trouble until I did the stinking chores, and my mom had a lot more patience than I did back then. I’d try to wait her out. I’d refuse to do the chores, stay in my room and pout, until it came time for me to want to go out with my friends to the movies or to a game. Then I would beg her to let me go “just one time.” She never fell for it. I’d do the chores, praying in my haste that I didn’t break anything, and make it out of purgatory just in time to go see a movie or a game.

I hope that I’m as smart as my mom. I hope when you grow up that you think I’m a smart lady, too.

I already love you,

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

February 18, 2009 Letter

To my forever child;

Someday, I hope you get to read this, and know how much we love you, and how much we wanted you in our lives.

We don’t know who you are yet, what you’ll look like, or if you will love us as much as we love you.

I remember growing up, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer every time was a mommy. I dreamed of having someone to love and hold and teach and to cherish. I’ve wanted that ever since I could remember.

Three years ago, the doctor told me I couldn’t have children. Something inside me doesn’t work right. Dad and I were both upset and it took a while for us to accept that things happen. It took me longer than it took him, but I came around. I realized that you were out there somewhere, waiting for us, needing us, wanting to love us and wanting us to love you.

We were patient, waiting until we had bought our house and got settled in so that we could give you the very best home we could. We talked endlessly about the things we were excited about, scared about and ready for. We couldn’t wait for you to join our lives.

I searched for every resource I could find that told me how to adopt, how to prepare to adopt and what to expect. There was a lot of really good information, but I still didn’t know what to do.

One thing that stuck with me through all the hours of reading and studying was that we needed to do an adoption journal. We needed to record all of our feelings and the things we are going through to have the chance to have you in our lives.

I decided the best way for me to do that was to write you letters. I love to write and to read, and I hope that is something we can share soon. I want to read you bed time stories and I want to teach you to write your letters, your name, and stories and letters of your own someday.

Today hasn’t been the best day I’ve had, but thinking about you helped me feel better. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. I want to write a story about you. Tell the world how marvelous you are. Someday soon. I have to keep reminding myself that someday soon you will be with us.

I’m scared that something will go wrong, and we won’t be able to take you home with us. Dad is scared he won’t be a good dad. I know he is just being silly, and he knows I am being silly too. We already love you and need you. We have a room for you in our house. We don’t know how to decorate it though. We have bunk beds, so that you can have friends over to stay, because we both know you will have many, many friends. What if you need a crib when you come to us? We’ll work it out.

What toys do you like, sweetheart? What is your favorite food? I want to be extra sure I’m good at cooking this. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite story?

Please come home to us soon, love. We need you in our hearts.

Always remember how much I love you,
Xoxo Mommy