February 26, 2009 Letter

To my forever child,

I thought about you a lot last night. I was tired and cranky. I didn’t feel good, and my critique hadn’t gone well. The last part was my own fault. I didn’t stay true to myself and my story. I changed everything so that it wouldn’t offend anyone. It made me miserable, but I thought it would make everyone else happy. It didn’t. I hated it, they hated it, and in the end I was ready to give up. I was so sad, love. I needed a hug.

I don’t like that I am such a people pleaser. There are many times a day when I have to sit down and remind myself that if I’m not happy, then I can’t make anyone else happy.

Sweet baby, always remember that. If I can’t teach you anything else, remember that you can’t make someone happy if you aren’t happy yourself.

I’m not telling you to disregard other people’s feelings or needs, but don’t put everyone ahead of yourself all the time. Life is too short for that.

So, I came home with a really bad headache, a bad attitude and tears trying to fill my eyes. I really needed a hug, but the attitude got in the way, and I was a little mean to your dad. I didn’t mean to be, but everything had piled up and nothing was going right. I feel horrible about that. So, today’s letter is just as much for him as it is for you.

I didn’t say anything bad or do anything bad, I just wasn’t nice. I’m sorry I did that. I’ll try very hard never to do it again. I want you both to know how very much I love you. I need you in my life so much. Without the both of you I’d be a lost, lonely soul.

I know this is a short letter, love, but today is a very busy day. I’ll write again soon, though.

Always remember that you are deep in my heart, where all my love grows.

All my love forever and ever,
Xoxo Mom