Friday, June 19, 2009

June 18, 2009 Letter

My Dearest Forever Child,

I'm sorry it has been so long between letters. To much time has been allowed to pass.

My birthday has come and gone. Parts were good, parts weren't so good. Work called your dad away, but your uncle Billy took me to see a movie. the movie was horrible, but we had a lot of fun. My dad cooked me one of my favorite meals and I got the things I asked for.

the highlight of the day had to be getting our license to adopt from the state. It was one more step on our journey to bring you home.

On my desk at work, there is an angel holding a boy and another figurine that is a mother holding her son. One is from your dad, given to me because I already love you so much and the other if from my mom - a gift for a soon-to-be mom. My heart swells with joy every time I look at them, and I make it a point to start everyday with a prayer for you, my love. I pray that where ever you are right now that you are getting all the love and care you need.

My greatest fear now is that you aren't getting everything you need. I have to trust that the people whose hearts were big enough to open their home to you are the best kind of people there are.

I have to tell you that I want you to come home to us so bad that sometimes I ache with it. Not a second goes by that I don't think about your sweet face and wonder what your laugh will sound like filling up our quiet home.

Your uncle Kelly and Aunt Brooke were blessed on June 1rs with beautiful baby Kaden, and everyone wants you to meet your new cousin. He was a sick little guy for a few days, but like everyone in your family he's a fighter and seems to be perfect now. Your dad and I got to spend a wonderful day with them and every time I held Kaden I hoped someone was there to hug you close and let you know how important you are to all of us.

A few short days after Kaden came into the world, your dad left for a week to go to Washington, D.C. I think he had fun, but I missed him horribly. The house was so empty and quiet. The poor dogs got more hugs and pets than I think they've ever gotten.

He's home safe and sound now, but I still feel lonely sometimes. I want to read to you and tuck you in at night. I want to take you shopping for toys and stuff to fill your room - it's so empty without you.

I want to hear you tell me how much fun you had at summer camp, and as much as it scares me, I can't wait until you tell me you want to play football. Maybe you will want to take karate, and then we'll call your uncle Matt and have him help us find a good dojo for you. He has a few black belts and is in the Combat Karate Hall of Fame, so he would know what to look for.

He's a great guy, your uncle Matt. I'm so very proud to call him brother. Sometimes he's stubborn, but we all are, and sometimes he says things I don't think he means, but he's still young, and I remember how it felt to think you know more than everyone else. Most everyone goes through that stage and almost everyone grows out of it. He has accomplished so much in his life. He was a shy little boy with glasses that had an infectious laugh. He and I had a hard time growing up, but we got through it and I think it made us both stronger.

Sometime in grade school or maybe junior high, Matt discovered his passion for karate. it made him a strong, confident young man. He made good grades throughout school and got into Texas Tech. Four years later, some good, some bad, he graduated and now he's a Cardiac Intensive Care nurse. My shy quiet little brother is now an adventurous, fun loving man. He rides a motorcycle, spars with other 'ninjas', rock climbs, goes to Irish pubs and is brave enough to wear a kilt in front of my dad. I remember when he was four or five I taught him every word to a popular song, including the bad words and had him go sing it to our mom. I was dumb enought to believe he'd get in trouble for saying bad words. I really didn't think it through, though, and I got in trouble for teaching him the words. he's gotten me back many times over the years tholugh. The first and most memorable time was when he hid in the laundry hamper in the bathroom. I don't know how long he stayed there waiting, but I was his victim. I went in to use the bathroom, and just as I undid my pants he jumped up in the hamper and yelled boo. I screamed and ran aroudn the house with my pants falling down around my ankles. My mom and dad still laugh about it.

As much as Matt and I sometimes disagree, I love him and I thinks he's well on his way to being an amazing young man.

Your uncle Billy on the other hand, is a booger. Always has been, always will be. i'm a lot older than he is - twelve years, actually. He's always been the most outgoing of the three of us. When he was little he always had on some sort of costume. Whether he was dancing around with a beaded bandana tied around his waist or in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfit our mom made, he was always wearing something funky.

I had a best friend in high school named Cathy, and she and I were inseperable for years. Billy decided one day that Cathy was his wife, and to this day, when I say her name, he still asked me how his wife it. The year he started his very first first day of school, I started my last year of high school. I was a teacher's adie for his class, so I took him to school and got to help teach him some of the first things he learned.

When he was little, he used to wake up and get scared in the middle of the night, so he started crawling into my bed. Well, I was a teenager, and like most teenagers, my room was a disaster area. Clean and dirty laundry covered my floor. I used to say the clothes were protecting my floor from the vacuum cleaner. Well, one night, B crawled into my bed and evidently rolled out of the bed and into a pile of laundry. Neither he or I woke up, but he covered himself up with clothes and slept on peacefully.

I think things would have been fine, but our mom woke up and decided to check up on everyone. When she couldn't find Billy, she was understandibly upset. He wasn't in any bed or anywhere else she could find. She came to check my room one last time before I'm sure she would have called the police, and he must have made some noise. She zeroed in on that small sound and dug him out of the mountain of clothes. We both slept on, not realizing anything was wrong. Until morning anyway. I was grounded for a month and learned to always pick up my clothes.

there was also a time when he was probably three or four that he cracked up an entire church full of people. he'd fallen alseep during the sermon and while everyone was kneeling and the priest was praying he woke up. there was silence in the church for a moment until he jumped on my back, spurred like a pro rodeo bronc rider and yelled 'Giddyup horsey.' It took a while before the laughter died down and the priest could finish the service.

Now my baby brother is too grown up for my peace of mind. He towers over Matt and I at six feet tall. He is going to Texas Tech now, and is brilliant. After one sememster he was already a supplemental instruction leader for his physics class. Translated, that means he taught the class while his professor did other stuff. he spent a week at NASA one summer and writes incredibly well.

I'm so very proud of my two awesome brothers. They bring a lot of joy into our lives, and if I ever need anything, I call them first.

It has been hard for me at work lately. Things are tense and very busy, so that makes everyone grumpy. It's hard, but until we are rich and famous, your dad and I have to work.

I wish you were here with us. Our lives would be so much more full with you in it. I want you to know that we love you no matter what, and we will keep fighting to bring you home. For now, I pray that you get a big hug and feel our love. Please know that you'll come home to us soon and we can't wait. Your room sits empty, waiting for you to fill it with life and joy and toys. And our hearts are already full to bursting with love for you.

I wish you sweet dreams, my love. May angels watch over you and keep you safe until we can. Don't give up on us.

All my love, my forever child,

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