February 18, 2009 Letter

To my forever child;

Someday, I hope you get to read this, and know how much we love you, and how much we wanted you in our lives.

We don’t know who you are yet, what you’ll look like, or if you will love us as much as we love you.

I remember growing up, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer every time was a mommy. I dreamed of having someone to love and hold and teach and to cherish. I’ve wanted that ever since I could remember.

Three years ago, the doctor told me I couldn’t have children. Something inside me doesn’t work right. Dad and I were both upset and it took a while for us to accept that things happen. It took me longer than it took him, but I came around. I realized that you were out there somewhere, waiting for us, needing us, wanting to love us and wanting us to love you.

We were patient, waiting until we had bought our house and got settled in so that we could give you the very best home we could. We talked endlessly about the things we were excited about, scared about and ready for. We couldn’t wait for you to join our lives.

I searched for every resource I could find that told me how to adopt, how to prepare to adopt and what to expect. There was a lot of really good information, but I still didn’t know what to do.

One thing that stuck with me through all the hours of reading and studying was that we needed to do an adoption journal. We needed to record all of our feelings and the things we are going through to have the chance to have you in our lives.

I decided the best way for me to do that was to write you letters. I love to write and to read, and I hope that is something we can share soon. I want to read you bed time stories and I want to teach you to write your letters, your name, and stories and letters of your own someday.

Today hasn’t been the best day I’ve had, but thinking about you helped me feel better. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. I want to write a story about you. Tell the world how marvelous you are. Someday soon. I have to keep reminding myself that someday soon you will be with us.

I’m scared that something will go wrong, and we won’t be able to take you home with us. Dad is scared he won’t be a good dad. I know he is just being silly, and he knows I am being silly too. We already love you and need you. We have a room for you in our house. We don’t know how to decorate it though. We have bunk beds, so that you can have friends over to stay, because we both know you will have many, many friends. What if you need a crib when you come to us? We’ll work it out.

What toys do you like, sweetheart? What is your favorite food? I want to be extra sure I’m good at cooking this. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite story?

Please come home to us soon, love. We need you in our hearts.

Always remember how much I love you,
Xoxo Mommy