October 25, 2010

Dearest Aaron,

A lot has been going on in your life lately and I knew it was time to catch you up on the events. I keep hearing the phrase, "Oh, you have to write that down!" over and over again, so in an attempt to remember all of the super fun things you do, or the heartbreaks we've had, I'm going to include them here.

The biggest heartbreak we've suffered was AriAnna. You, my sweet boy, had a little sister for eight fun filled, sleepless, messy, stressful days. She was four days old when she was placed in our home, and twelve days old when she left. You were amazing with her, picking up her pacifier when she dropped it, patting her hand when she would cry and helping me feed her a bottle. It was only eight days, but we all loved her. It has been six months since she left, and you only ask about her every now and again, but still it breaks my heart when you do.

You have started school at St. Mary's Montessori, and love it. You have so many wonderful stories for me every day when I pick you up. One of my favorite stories is about one of the mornings when I dropped you off. Monsignor Waldow was helping get you out of the car and I asked you to say good morning to him. You looked up at him with your big brown eyes, grinned really big, and said, "Good morning, Motorcycle Waldow." You took off inside and he and I laughed for a few minutes.

Another fun story that your wonderful teacher, Miss Jennifer, shared with me was when you were carrying your lunch down the hall. You held up the bag, looked at Monsignor and said, "Look, God. I've got lunch." And with another big grin you went to put your lunch away. Miss Jennifer was pretty impressed. She said she'd never had coffee with God before.

You've had some attitude problems at school, but it is part of the growing process. You, my dear, are no shy little boy. You are a big, assertive, loud kid. I love that about you, but I'm afraid it may cause you some problems in your school career. I hope I can teach you to temper your thoughts and actions with love and compassion. There are some days I see your heart shining so brightly in your eyes that it takes my breath away.

You and your dad are my world, kiddo. Always remember we love you more than anything.

You had the flu last week, and man, it made you a bear to live with. You missed three days of school and your schedule was so out of whack. You don't like it when your schedule is messed up. Your favorite word this last week has been no, and whining was the name of the game. Hopefully, things will get better now that you are back in school today.

I pray every night that I am doing the right things for you, and that you are able to forgive me for the things that I do wrong. I mess up so often that I'm terrified you will hate me when you grow up. Please just know that I've loved you forever, and I always will, no matter what. I'm always going to push you to do better and try harder. I want the best for you, and you've been gifted with so many advantages that other kids don't have. I hope that you will grab life with both hands and wring as much pleasure and excitement and success as possible out of it. You are so smart and courageous. Nothing scares you, and that scares me more than you can imagine.

I'm so sorry for the times when I finally lose my temper with you, sweetheart. Last night was one of those times. I'd had five days of your horrible temper and whining, and your dad was starting to get sick as well. The house was a mess and my head felt like it was going to fall off of my shoulders. You refused to eat dinner, yet again, and I lost it. I yelled. I cried. I slammed a door. Your amazing dad took one look at me and told me to go outside, calm down and take a break. He convinced you to calm down and eat, and for me to take a time out of the mommy variety. It did us both a world of good.

You got another cousin this month. Berkely arrived on the October 16th, and we were going to go and visit them this last weekend, but you and daddy weren't feeling well, so we are going to try to go another day.

Halloween is coming and you are so excited you can barely stand it. You are going to dress up as a pirate this year and you are so freaking cute in your costume.

You are my heart. I love you and hope you always love me, even when you don't like me.

All my love,
xoxo
mommy